Mittwoch, 6. Mai 2009

Love-Bible: 5 Tips to "truely" end it !

You know your friend- or relationship is unhealthy. You know your partner / mother / sister / chef is not for you. You know you need to get out. But is hurts. You feel conflicted, confused, dependent. You are not sure of yourself or your decisions. Or you have ended the relationship but feel stuck, knowing you did the right thing but not really getting over it. Here are five (and one extra special) specific techniques to help you end, truly end the relationship, get over the guy, and move on to a healthy and happy life.



1. Create a vision and hold it in your heart
The more you are clear what you want, the more your subconscious will take you there. Take some time each day to explore and clarify what a healthy relationship looks like to you. Allow yourself to imagine, day dream, and play with the idea of being in a good relationship where you are loved and cherished. How does it feel to be cared for? Can you imagine what it is like to have a man be supportive of your dreams; a guy who lives honorably and decently? Hold this image in your mind! Write down your thoughts, draw a picture, or create a poem... just make the image real and concrete to you.

What happens is, when your subconscious is convinced there is
something more, it will move you there and
release that which is unhealthy.

 
Here is a little technique that is often helpful. As you ponder your vision, play some music that is really inspiring to you. It must be uplifting and energizing... nothing melancholy here. But if you play this music as you envision your life and relationships, each time you hear the music it will naturally create the positive emotions that you have linked to the music.

2. Create a plan.
When you are feeling well, get a supportive friend or loved one to help you write down your plan for your healing. List those things you need in a relationship for it to be healthy. Create a statement that defines what a good relationship is to you. Get REALLY clear on how you can tell if a guy is a good man and worthy of your time and energy. Set some CLEAR boundaries. For example, you will not return a call from the guy; or you will no longer allow yourself to let him take even one minute of your energy; or you are done thinking about him, talking about him, or letting him in your life.

3. Nourish yourself.

OK, this is really important.
The stronger, more secure, more centered you are, the more you will be headed for a healthy relationship and a good man, and the less you will be willing to settle for something unhealthy or even hurtful. I can't emphasize this enough. What nourishes you? Think about this for a while. Often we go through life without taking the time to really know so really ponder this. What gives you feelings of peace, enjoyment, serenity? Of course pure joy doesn't come from outside ourselves but that which we take into our lives is what creates the environment for us to either flourish or wilt. List ten nourishing actions you can take. Often after difficult relationships end, a woman is left depleted, hurt, like a dried up flower left on a porch. For the flower to revive it needs sunlight, water... care.  

So now is the time to care for yourself.








After listing ten activities or experiences that nourish you,
decide to take these into your life. Make them a priority.
Invest in yourself.




4. Get rid of those memories.
This may be difficult for some until they learn how easy it is. We tend to hold onto the good times almost becoming dependent on our past. You may relive and replay over and over memories. Your mind may be so habitualized to the relationship that you are in a deep rut and your mind can't seem to get out of it. So you need to do some very practical techniques to create new pathways in your brain to heal.

As a hypnotherapist we often use what is called a "thought stopping" technique. It is simple and yet very powerful. Here is how it works: the minute a memory or unwanted thought comes into your mind, you consciously tell yourself you do not want those thoughts and bring an image into your mind to cancel them out. You could imagine a big circle with a red X though it, or maybe an eraser erasing the thought on a black board, or a tide coming in and wiping out words on a beach.. whatever works for you, find an image to erase the thought and memory.

Then, you "change your state". This is another technique that works REALLY well but can be sort of silly. Whenever you find yourself in those moments of pain and anguish, you do something crazy or wild to change your state of mind. What happens is, by doing a really odd or silly behavior you actually break the emotional rut that is in your brain.

Typically, when we feel down or blue we get stuck and almost hold onto the negativity, but if in that state you got up and did twenty jumping jacks, you would notice it is difficult to remain sad. Or, if you are wallowing in sorrow, you did a somersault or cartwheel, made a clown face or poured water on your head, you would feel so silly, most likely you would laugh and immediately break the cycle. In time, (often very quickly) the pathway is broken, and you will find your mind no longer holding onto the habit of returning to the painful memories.

5. Create a mantra
This is another fun technique to help move on. You come up with a little lyric or funny mantra to say to yourself every time you notice you are headed towards going back or reliving a memory. Play with it, get your friends to help you think of something funny. You memorize it, put it on sticky notes all over your house, write in on your mirror, and say it every time you need to remind yourself to get over it, move on, and live a healthy life. To sum it up, take care of yourself, create your life the way you want it to be, do everything you can to break those cycles of memories and negativity. Become as strong and centered as you can. Bring into your life all that brings nourishment and health.


Now, after you have done all the above I have one last little secret trick for you. Well, it is not actually a secret but it is a very powerful technique to help with your healing.

Take out a piece of paper and fold it in two. On the first half of the paper, on the bottom or top write today's date. On the second half of the paper write the date you are going to feel well and happy again. OK, now, draw a picture on today's side of how your feel today. Draw anything that can help you describe or demonstrate how you feel.

Then, on the other side, draw something that will help you visualize how it will feel when you are happy and over the relationship. Really make it vivid. Draw flowers or sunshines or stars and hearts or whatever comes to you; make the picture beautiful and bright and alive.
Now, hang up the picture where you will see it everyday. Guess what? You are going to feel well and healthy on the date you wrote down. Just you wait!


Wishing You lots of Self-love!
Written by Jennifer Jones



~ 06. Mai 2009 ~

continue inside veryheaven:
  1. "A Respectful Credo for Healthy Relationships"

  2. You can heal yourself and your Love if you want to.
    One easy and very deep reaching way is: Playing cards :-)
    Chuck Spezzano presents an exciting new tool for self-discovery: A deck of beautifully illustrated cards that depict various emotional situations and dilemmas. Combining the insights of psychology with the interactivity of tarot, this unprecedented package will be a revelation for spiritual seekers everywhere.



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